just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
