Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
