You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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