while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
