I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
