Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
