I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
