I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
