I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
