You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
