There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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