i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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