bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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