I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The chlamydia really affected his face.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pooping to opera.
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