So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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