First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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