uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
