i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I sprained my soul last night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
