The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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