She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize