ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
