I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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