a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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