I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
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i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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