There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I fill condoms, not promises.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
