but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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