When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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