i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
