Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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