i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
