can u get pink eye on your cock?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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