Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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