he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
