We won't sleep together?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
