My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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