we have officially lost it.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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