i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
