I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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