dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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