weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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