I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
