It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
