I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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