I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
