It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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