I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
