I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
