legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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