the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Floor bacon is actually really good
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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