Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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