Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
