i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
