he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
