I cannot find my penis.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
