I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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