I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
