I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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