I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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