to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
