at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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