before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
