I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
