At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
