can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Drunk is not a location!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
