I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
